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you're so lovely when you crylost in flight
shivering and cold
[h-havnt eaten in days]
shh little brother
dont tell anyone
they cant know
iim sick and waning
terrified of gaining
to feel empty
is to feel invisible.
i i cant breathe through it all
feeling so easy
love the hunger
this pain, it never gets old
make me skin and bones
i cant remember the last time i've seen my own eyes
or the color of my skin
do you know what it's like
to feel ugly all the time?
cover the mirrors to hide from the monster i see
the hybrid creature staring back at me.
i dont need your help
i've done just fine by myself
this is whatt i want
just like everything, is slowly going, everything i once held dear
my hands are getting just too shaky to hold
hunger hurts, but starving it works
need to find my sanctuary s-someplace safe
gotta get this out of me
this is my escape
and if i feel god judging me
ill look into his face, straight into the lie
as i commit suicide,
self-destructionthey say the body's a temple
i choose to sacrifice
at my secret appetites
a crack in the heart
where the poison spills in
i will suffer so you wont
i will suffer so you wont
my heart starts reacting
my soul starts collapsing
im dancing with fire again
im burning im bleeding the parasites are breeding
it's me versus me versus them
sometimes i sit and ask myself
something's t-taking over me
oh, so surrealshe plays the part of the prey, she plays the part of the meat.
"pprove to mee i exxist"
she's got a pen, a fist that no one feels
aand i swear by my sin- loving soul
[i-i'm nott paranoiid, ddont fuckinng ccall me crazzy i i ssee youur eeyes, hearr thhe drripping demmons, thhey knnow youu fuckking liie]
now this silence, clanging inside my head
never feeel, empty people, empty steeples
if there was a god above,
he'd have let me die instead.
you try being fucking uglyi wish i didnt know
what i know
i wish i could pretend
like they do.
if i could,
there are some things that
people just shouldn't see in life
oh sweet goddess of narcotics
on my knees i pray
just give me one more dose..
and make it all go awayy
numb and dumb
[jjust nndumb mme dowwn]
tired of being tired sick of being sick tired of being tired sick of being sick
just as well they never see
the hate that's in your head
don't they know they're making love
to one already dead?
tell me what would you do
what you do?
if he had done that to you.
what would yyou do
these demons ddemons screaming in my face
iif only you didnt know
feed it through my veins
i can never lose itwhy show your pain to someone who does not understand?
beat the voices out
out of us.
never allowed to obtain the power of faith
left in the water,
Painstaking.ly Process.ed"I'll write this all down for you," I said, "I'll put it in a story."
I don't know if that's what he wanted to ask me, but it's some-
thing everybody wants-for someone to see the hurt done to them and set it down like it matters.
old testamentKing David
felt his bones grow old
from the hand of God
weighing down on him.
it hurts to find out
nothing is truly mine
that i have nothing
Red Letter Day - Prologue
So here I am, writing.
I’m writing, I’m writing – just as you told me to.
I’m writing, I’m writing, I’m writing.
Have you ever noticed that when the sun goes down, this flat changes? It does. The walls are white during the day and lingering brown at night. During the day, I’m with you and the light from outside paints the walls that heavenly color. But when that sun goes down, the demons wake and I’m alone again, even though you’re just a room away.
Somehow it seems less threatening tonight, and I think it’s because you’ve given me an assignment to try and fight off the darkness. You gave me a stack of papers and a pen and told me to write everything that comes to mind.
It’s a strange feeling to have complete freedom. These empty pages are mine to do whatever I please – I could even wipe my ass with them – but they’re also terribly intimidating. The blank page has always been a nemesis of man. It&
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^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More